


ch-ch-changes

by solaleonis



Series: changes [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: !trans Oz, Gen, giving my best boy the arc he deserves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solaleonis/pseuds/solaleonis
Summary: oz deals with the changes he's going through with becoming a werewolf, and reflects on being a trans guy. this part is meant to take place as a hidden scene during "phases" and is inspired by me listening to green day having an oz spiral
Series: changes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1959601
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	ch-ch-changes

Oz pulled up to the empty driveway of his house, the tires of his van screeching along the pavement as he parked. He had left school early to pick up some chains that could hopefully contain him tonight as the full moon rises over Sunnydale. 

It was like his worst fears came true. Fears he might not have known about, but fears nonetheless. I mean, who could possibly imagine that they could actually be dealing with the fact that they’ve turned into a werewolf? Oz put his head down on his steering wheel, gripping the sides of the wheel in frustration. He cannot even begin to deal with what he now has to live with. 

After sitting in his van for a few minutes, staring out the driver’s window thinking about his new reality, Oz grabbed his bag from the passenger’s seat and got out of the van. His bag wasn’t usually heavy, since his textbooks permanently lived in his locker, collecting dust from all the non-use. But this time, he felt the heavy chains in his backpack that will later be used to contain the heaviness of this new addition to his life. 

He walked into his house, headed up the stairs to his room, and flopped on his bed. Thank god his parents were gone for a few days. How could he possibly tell them about this? How does one walk up to his parents and say “Mom, Dad … I’m a werewolf.”

Well, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s had to come out to his parents. It feels like yesterday he was in middle school, telling his parents that he wanted to transition. But at the same time, it feels like it was centuries ago. He tried so hard to forget what it was like being a “girl,” that it was now completely foreign to him. 

Oz finally gained the strength to get up off his bed and went over to the trunk that housed his _magnificent_ CD collection. Perhaps, this was a moment worthy of listening to one of his records - that were only to be used on _special_ occasions. He had been listening to them a bit more recently, because every moment he gets to spend with Willow feels like a special occasion to him. The idea of scratching one of his precious records… God that’d be the worst thing on Earth. Even worse than what he’s going through.

He slid his finger along his shelf of records, feeling for the right one. He took the record off the shelf, slid it out of its sleeve, and set it up on the player to the exact song he wanted, turning the volume on his speakers as high as it could go. As he went into the bathroom across the hall, he listened to the music from his room.

**_Seventeen and strung out on confusion_ **

**_Trapped inside a roll of disillusion_ **

**_I’ve found out what it takes to be a man_ **

**_Now mom and dad will never understand_ **

God, those words stung. But also hit the spot in the perfect way that only music could do. Oz splashed water in his face, and stared at himself in the mirror, clutching each side of the sink as a few tears streamed down his cheeks. What was he going to do now? How could he possibly deal with the fact that there was now a beast that lived inside of him, waiting to strike terror at the rise of the full moon.

What if his chains don’t work tonight? What if he gets loose, and hurts someone? What if the scoobies find out, and Buffy has to kill him? Surely she wouldn’t… but what if it’s the only option? Oz couldn’t bear to think about it. 

What would Willow think of all this? Oh God… _Willow._ Oz had been so distant from her lately. He’s hiding so much from her. Not only his newfound werewolf problem, but his transness too. The idea of her rejecting him for either of those things hurt his heart too much to think about. He has to be honest with her. He has to tell her… about everything. But he can’t find the words to do it. 

Oz went back into his room and took his shirt off. He looked in his mirror, tracing the scars on his chest. He spent so many years crying and wishing that he could have this body, and now he finally gets to physically embody the man he knew he was. He knew how lucky he was to transition so early, and have top surgery during sophomore year. All these changes to grow into the man he was meant to be.

Though now he’s changing again, but differently. He was _finally_ comfortable with who he was, only to be thrown for a loop once again. How could he live with and embrace this new side of him, a side that he didn’t ask for. Damnit Jordy.

Only Oz knew the answer to that question. He had to let people in. He can’t force himself to go through this world all by himself when he has plenty of people around him who could accept him. After all, he was only a werewolf occasionally. There has to be a way that will make this all okay.

He knew what to do. He had to tell Willow. About everything - his wolfiness, his transness. Maybe not all at once, but he has to do it eventually. He has to let people in.

**_Seventeen and coming clean for the first time_ **

**_I finally figured out myself for the first time_ **

**_I found out what it takes to be a man_ **

**_Now mom and dad will never understand_ **

**_What’s happening to me_**

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading! yes the title is a bowie reference and oz wouldn't have it any other way
> 
> if u want to watch me have oz spirals on a daily basis, pls follow me on twitter @xanderhxrris


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